How to Forgive the Unforgivable
Perhaps you’ve experienced something that you believe is unforgivable, and the memory of the person or incident haunts you. You relive the experience in your mind over and over and think about how wrong, cruel, unacceptable, or unfair the person or event was.
Maybe you truly want to forgive someone, but you don’t know how. Or maybe you think you’ve forgiven someone, but you want to be sure.
Either way, forgiveness is a doorway to mental and emotional freedom.
Here’s Why Forgiveness is Freedom
Why forgive—especially when you feel so strongly that the other is not worthy of forgiveness or the act itself was unforgivable?
Well, here’s what happens when you don’t forgive—you remain emotionally, mentally, and energetically bound to the person. Imagine a rope tied around your waist that binds you to that person. That is essentially what is happening. Each time you revisit the event and recall how wrong it was or how (fill in the blank) the person was, you relive the experience in real time, because your body responds to the mind. Here’s proof.
Close your eyes and visualize grabbing a lemon, slicing it open, and sucking on a wedge. What happened? Your mouth started to salivate, right?
The Body Responds to the Mind
Whether you know what your mind is saying or not, and whether what your mind is saying is true or false, your body will respond. This has been scientifically proven and is becoming more widely accepted
So, when you recall the person or event and how unjust it was, your body generates the same thoughts, emotions, and chemical reactions (stress hormones) in the body that were triggered at the time of the event. You reenact and relive the stressful moment over and over as though it were happening right here and now.
We all know how stress impacts the body, right? So, each time we stew about, complain, or simply recall the event, we’re basically making ourselves sick.
Again. Bitterness, resentment, holding a grudge, or feeling done-wrong-by binds us directly to the person. And each time we stew over the person or event, we essentially give our vital energy to them. In fact, think of it as a gift that you’re giving them—at your expense.
Considering this person did you “wrong”, do you really want to give them a gift? Let alone at your expense?
It’s time to forgive and move on.
Forgiveness Does Not Mean It Was OK
If you think forgiveness means you’re letting the perpetrator “off the hook” or you’re doing them a favor, you’re NOT. And forgiveness does NOT mean you agree with what happened.
It’s so important that you grasp this at a deep level and align your personal interpretation of forgiveness.
Forgiveness simply means that you’re no longer willing to allow that person to have a toxic influence in your life. You’re reclaiming the energy and power that you’ve (unknowingly) lost from holding a grudge against them.
Forgiveness is self-protection. It’s something you do for you—not them. Not anyone, but you.
If you’ve had an old-school definition of forgiveness in your mind, then you might want to assure your mind and repeat after me. It’s silly, yes—but it works—just repeat this aloud…
“Forgiveness is for my self-protection. Forgiveness frees me from the toxic energy of the past.”
Try it a second time, with a little more oomph!
So, we know why we forgive and what it means. What about how?
Acknowledge (Admit) What Happened
To protect us from experiencing pain (physical, emotional, or otherwise), our minds are hard-wired to repress, minimize, and deny painful aspects of our lives. To compound that, society (and probably our parents) told us to “suck it up” and that “crying was for babies.”
I lived miserably in a verbally, emotionally, and sexually abusive relationship for 10 years. My mind minimized the toxicity of the relationship because, unlike my past long-term relationship, this one wasn’t physically abusive.
It wasn’t until I saw the relationship for what it was—abuse—and admitted it to myself that I could finally begin to do something about it. As long as my mind suppressed and minimized my circumstances, I was comfortable living in the misery of abuse.
In order to forgive and release ourselves from the toxic influence of the past, we first need to acknowledge that what happened actually happened.
It doesn’t mean it was your “fault” (because it wasn’t).
Here’s the thing though, it is your responsibility to heal, because no one else is going to do it for you.
Release Toxic Energy
Emotions are just energy in motion, right? When we minimized, suppressed, or denied our feelings we blocked the energy from flowing—it remained in our bodies. Stuck. Causing dis-ease.
To release us from the toxic energy of the past, we need to release the stuck energy of it from our bodies.
Free yourself from the toxic influence of your past—truly forgive and finally have a mind free to imagine the life you desire rather than dwell and relive the past!
If you any questions give me a shout! I’m here for you 😊